Happy and sad

When my husband and I were younger, we had to make a difficult choice concerning where we were going to live and work.  At the time we lived fairly close to our families and wanted to find a good job in the area but my husband's "dream" job took us several hundred miles away.  The move was

Dang, I'm going to miss them!

painful but provided us an opportunity to grow closer together and discover a new area which we eventually grew to love.

One of my sons is in a similar position right now.  He has always lived near our family and we have always enjoyed him, his sweet wife and their three children.  Unfortunately, his job hasn't been satisfactory and he's been looking in other areas for a good job.  He flew to a job interview today and tonight he told us that he was offered a job and accepted it.  It's a good job in a great location but it's several hundred miles away.  He and his family will be moving within the month.

While I am excited for his new job opportunity, I am so sad to know that they will be gone soon.  I love having them around and I love the close relationship I've developed with the grandchildren.   Yet, I want them to follow their dreams and enjoy some of the same experiences I had so many years ago...exploring a new city, making new friends and building strong family bonds.  

It's so hard encouraging a child (even an adult child) to go while at the same time wishing I could hold onto them forever.  I guess that's part of being a grown up.  It sucks sometimes.

The Ten Suggestions

Most of us live by the Ten Commandments, basic laws of spirituality and civility.  If more people followed those basic principles, the world would be a better place.

Here are some "suggestions" for parenting adult children.

1. Thou shalt listen to them with all thy heart.
2. Thou shalt not get involved where thou doest not belong.
3. Thou shalt let them learn the lessons of life.
4. Thou shalt not give advice unless asked.
5. Thou shalt not "keep score".
6. Thou shalt love their spouses as thine own.
7. Thou shalt focus on the positive, not the negative.
8. Thou shalt not give up hope.
9. Thou shalt pray for thy family daily.
10. Thou shalt always love them no matter what.

Can you think of any more?

I need books!

I love reading books.  I love learning.  Whenever I have a problem, I look for a solution.  Whenever I want to learn something new, I go to libraries and bookstores (as well as look online) to get ideas about how to proceed.   I can't imagine life without books.

So, in my transition from Mommy with kids at home to Mommy with kids grown up, my first thought was, "I wonder if there are any books on this subject?"  Surprisingly, there are very few books written on how to be a parent to adult children, or how to be an empty-nester parent.  There are large sections of bookstores and libraries devoted to parenting kids of all ages...until they reach adulthood.  Then the wealth of knowledge becomes a trickle.

I have a hard time believing that this transition comes easy to most moms.  After spending 20-40 years devoting much of our time and energy into raising children, entering the next phase of life can be bewildering.   We're still moms.  We still have children.  I know the roles change drastically but they change, they're not eliminated. 

When I was a new mother, I made mistakes.  I learned through trial and error and the examples of my mother, my older sister and friends whose children were older than mine.  I learned from books.  I relied on my religion to help me set standards. 

Now I'm doing it all over again.  I make mistakes communicating with married children.  I am learning through trial and error.  I so appreciate the wisdom and advice of friends and family and my church.  There just need to be more books on the subject.

Being inexperienced is a humbling feeling.  Hope I get this figured out soon!