Friends

When I was a mother with children at home, I'd always watch and learn from other mothers whose children were a little older than mine were.  From their experience, I learned both good ways of doing things as well as what to avoid.  Some taught me practical homemaking skills, others showed me what successful mothers did, and other wonderful friends taught me how to survive when things were tough.  I treasure those friendships.

Now that my children are grown, I still learn from amazing friends who are a little farther along the path I'm embarking on.  Being a few years ahead of me in age, they have the experience and wisdom that I lack.  I look up to these women, admire them, and thoroughly enjoy their company.

Twice a week I go on a walk with two of these special friends and we talk about everything....from families, to politics, to church, to life's little aches and pains and anything in between.  They are funny, supportive and full of insight. 

I think we all need friends with whom we can share our fears, our joys, our frustrations and our lives.  Friends who don't judge but who listen and share from their life's experiences.  How blessed are those who have such friends!

Holiday question...

With the weather getting colder, the days getting shorter and the constant reminders at stores, I can't ignore any longer that the holidays are coming.  With holidays come holiday stresses.  When is everyone available for a family party?  What should I get everyone for Christmas?  Should I make the gifts?  If so, what?  How do I keep costs down yet not skimp of enjoyment?

Holidays are supposed to be times of love and warmth and joy...which they certainly are.  It's just the logistics and trying to get everything right (or at least, mostly right) that stresses me out. 

How do other growing families handle gift giving and get togethers?

Musings while mowing

While mowing the lawn this afternoon, I was seriously considering downsizing.  Mowing 1 1/2 acres of lawn and taking care of another 1/2 acre of garden is not my idea of fun anymore.  Maybe it's my attitude.  Gardening and lawn maintenance provides such a good opportunity to get outside and get exercise...and not the contrived type of exercise that is done at a gym, but honest, hard work that yields visible results, both to my body and to my property.  And I DO feel good after weeding the garden or mowing.  Am I convincing?

Yet, I think wistfully about a small plot of land and a modest-sized house.  Easy to maintain, less expensive to heat and cool, smaller property tax.  But I love having space for my kids and grandkids to come home to.  I truly love my home.  Hmmm...pros and cons...

Isn't that the way it is so much of the time?  The good and bad, pros and cons, decisions, decisions.  Luckily, right now it's all theoretical.  And while I consider all the options, my grass grows longer by the minute.  :)

Spider webs

 I don't know why I have such a fascination with spider webs.  I think they're beautiful, especially this time of year when the morning dew glistens on each strand and you can easily see the intricacies of the spider's work of art.  How do they know how to do it? 

Of course, I don't like seeing them in the house but outside?  I can appreciate them.  :)

Yesterday, my sweet son-in-law told me he'd sweep off the webs from the porch overhang and I told him not to touch them!  Oh, I must seem weird! 

All the fir trees are covered with delicate webs

I wish this picture did justice to this web...it was shaped somewhat like a bowl and the spider was busily making improvements on the design.  Fascinating!

 Ok, it's official...I'm weird  :)

Peace and Quiet

Do you remember how often you wished for some peace and quiet while you were raising your children?  Or how often you dreamed of a good night's sleep? 

I got my peace and quiet but the house is too quiet now.  And even though I no longer have to get up in the night because of children waking up or stay up late, waiting for children to come home, sleep doesn't come easy.  

I wonder why it's so hard to appreciate what you have right now?  Yes, I miss the energy and even the noise of my children but I love the adults they turned out to be.  I love the grandchildren they have blessed me with.  When they visit, they bring all that energy with them and fill my home again with their laughter (and occasionally their squabbles and tears too).  I have happy memories of the past and optimistic dreams of the future.  I have a comfortable present. 

So, no more moaning about what I don't have and instead, joy about what I DO have.  Life is good.

Will they get along?

Much as I enjoy a good relationship with my children, it makes me really happy when I see them going out of their way to be with each other.  I worked for years refereeing fights and squabbles when they were little, teaching them to cooperate, all in the hopes that when they grew up, they'd actually like each other. 

Last week, through a variety of circumstances, five of my eight adult children (and their families) were in the same place at the same time, several hundred miles away.  They arranged to get together and spent an afternoon, catching up, visiting and just having fun.  The amazing thing is that I didn't have anything to do with it.  They spontaneously wanted to be with each other.  This mother's heart was all warm inside.

Most likely, I'll be gone long before my children are gone and knowing that they have each other to support and encourage through challenges and rough times, makes me feel like I've done my job...well, mostly, anyway.

Multi-generational living

In the olden days, it wasn't uncommon to see families of different generations living under the same roof.  With the world as it is today, I can see the phenomenon making a comeback.  Think of the advantages to such an arrangement...sharing resources, developing closeness with the other family, saving money, looking out for one another.  Of course, there are possible disadvantages...if the family members don't get along or respect each others privacy or take advantage of each other. 

For the last few years, my family has been blessed to share our home with some of our married children and their families (not at the same time!).  Because we raised a large family (8 kids) and still live in the home they were raised in, we have lots of room.  We converted part of the downstairs into a "mother-in-law" apartment (separate entrance, kitchen, bathroom, living room, bedroom) and offered it to one of our newly married children.  They lived there for two years, saving money and preparing to go to college out of state.  It was a very positive arrangement.  Because they lived so close to us (downstairs!) we got to know our new son-in-law better and quicker than what would normally happen.  He's a wonderful young man and I love him! While they lived with us, we visited together often.  We shared food when either of us made too much of something.  And, something I really liked, the house didn't feel so big and empty. 

When they moved out a year ago, another married son asked if he and his family could move into the apartment so they could pay off school debts and save money.  Of course I said yes but on one condition...I wanted them to move upstairs (the main house) rather than the little apartment because they have three young children.  They felt bad about the idea of us moving downstairs but we convinced them that it was something we wanted to do. 

What a wonderful experience that has been this last year.  My home was alive with children again!  The kids were super respectful of our space and always knocked when they wanted to visit...which was often!  I loved being so close to them and playing with them and sometimes, just cuddling with them.  The bond of love between grandparent (us) and grandchildren (them) has grown so strong.  I love the little ones and I also got to form a strong bond with my daughter-in-law during the year.  She's an amazing and patient woman and I'm so glad my son married her. 

As with my other children who lived with us, we shared resources and visited often, while still maintaining our separate spaces.  It was a great arrangement for us all.  Unfortunately, my son and his family are in the process of moving to another state for work.  I had hoped to have them here a little longer but support their decision to move.  But, oh, how I'll miss them!

We were really blessed to have the resources to make living under the same roof possible.  I realize that with different personalities and lifestyles, it might not have worked as well but neither my kids nor my husband and I have any regrets about sharing our home and lives.

The big, old house is going to feel awfully empty again.  Sigh...

Happy and sad

When my husband and I were younger, we had to make a difficult choice concerning where we were going to live and work.  At the time we lived fairly close to our families and wanted to find a good job in the area but my husband's "dream" job took us several hundred miles away.  The move was

Dang, I'm going to miss them!

painful but provided us an opportunity to grow closer together and discover a new area which we eventually grew to love.

One of my sons is in a similar position right now.  He has always lived near our family and we have always enjoyed him, his sweet wife and their three children.  Unfortunately, his job hasn't been satisfactory and he's been looking in other areas for a good job.  He flew to a job interview today and tonight he told us that he was offered a job and accepted it.  It's a good job in a great location but it's several hundred miles away.  He and his family will be moving within the month.

While I am excited for his new job opportunity, I am so sad to know that they will be gone soon.  I love having them around and I love the close relationship I've developed with the grandchildren.   Yet, I want them to follow their dreams and enjoy some of the same experiences I had so many years ago...exploring a new city, making new friends and building strong family bonds.  

It's so hard encouraging a child (even an adult child) to go while at the same time wishing I could hold onto them forever.  I guess that's part of being a grown up.  It sucks sometimes.

The Ten Suggestions

Most of us live by the Ten Commandments, basic laws of spirituality and civility.  If more people followed those basic principles, the world would be a better place.

Here are some "suggestions" for parenting adult children.

1. Thou shalt listen to them with all thy heart.
2. Thou shalt not get involved where thou doest not belong.
3. Thou shalt let them learn the lessons of life.
4. Thou shalt not give advice unless asked.
5. Thou shalt not "keep score".
6. Thou shalt love their spouses as thine own.
7. Thou shalt focus on the positive, not the negative.
8. Thou shalt not give up hope.
9. Thou shalt pray for thy family daily.
10. Thou shalt always love them no matter what.

Can you think of any more?

I need books!

I love reading books.  I love learning.  Whenever I have a problem, I look for a solution.  Whenever I want to learn something new, I go to libraries and bookstores (as well as look online) to get ideas about how to proceed.   I can't imagine life without books.

So, in my transition from Mommy with kids at home to Mommy with kids grown up, my first thought was, "I wonder if there are any books on this subject?"  Surprisingly, there are very few books written on how to be a parent to adult children, or how to be an empty-nester parent.  There are large sections of bookstores and libraries devoted to parenting kids of all ages...until they reach adulthood.  Then the wealth of knowledge becomes a trickle.

I have a hard time believing that this transition comes easy to most moms.  After spending 20-40 years devoting much of our time and energy into raising children, entering the next phase of life can be bewildering.   We're still moms.  We still have children.  I know the roles change drastically but they change, they're not eliminated. 

When I was a new mother, I made mistakes.  I learned through trial and error and the examples of my mother, my older sister and friends whose children were older than mine.  I learned from books.  I relied on my religion to help me set standards. 

Now I'm doing it all over again.  I make mistakes communicating with married children.  I am learning through trial and error.  I so appreciate the wisdom and advice of friends and family and my church.  There just need to be more books on the subject.

Being inexperienced is a humbling feeling.  Hope I get this figured out soon!

Musings in the dentist chair

When you're sitting in the dentist chair, getting your teeth cleaned, there isn't much to do but close your eyes and think.  My first thought (while being scraped and poked) was being thankful that I no longer had to "rinse and spit" into a porcelain bowl next to the dentist chair.  That was the most dreaded part of going to the dentist as a child.  I was always afraid of missing the bowl or drooling.

This is my daughter (not me) but she doesn't have to "rinse and spit"!  Lucky girl!

That memory caused a chain reaction to thinking about all the ways life has changed over the years.  Who would have thought there'd be so many changes in such a relatively short time.  Maybe this is what being a grandmother is all about..."I remember when..."

So, here goes...I remember...
Cars that weren't equipped with seat belts.
Clunky black telephones that had rotary dials and if you wanted information, you'd dial "O" for Operator and you'd get a real human on the other end of the line who would answer your question.
The "Five and Dime" was a variety store that sold a little of everything.  Sometimes they had a soda fountain and my mom would treat me to a soda.
Typewriters and correction tape and fluid. 
Looking up at the moon (with all the neighbors) the night of the first moon landing, and trying to see the lunar landing module.
Life without cell phones and computers...oh, and cable.
The milk man.  He'd come by the neighborhood twice a week, delivering dairy products to homes.
The Hostess man.  Similar to above only he brought bread products and baked goodies to neighborhoods.
Airlines that provided real meals on their flights.
Renting a VHS movie player and movie from the local movie store.
All sorts of cameras, from the boxy brownie camera to the Instamatic camera, to the instant Polaroids, to the 35mm film camera.
Kitchens without microwave ovens, crock pots, and dishwashers.
Black and white TV's.
Real candles on Christmas trees.
Riding a bicycle without a helmet.
Metal lunchboxes and sandwiches wrapped in wax paper.
Cloth diapers and the introduction of disposable diapers.

There are so many more things that I remember -  TV shows, movies, music, political and historical events, church events, local events, long-dead customs and traditions. 


I guess I'm just a walking fossil  :)  That's ok.  I'm really thankful that dentist offices now have high-tech suctioning tools so I no longer have to "rinse and spit". 

A change in the air

Where has the time gone?  Winter drags on forever and summer is gone before I know it.  Already the leaves are starting to turn colors and there is a different feel in the air. 

There's still time to enjoy the sunshine before the rains come!

There is still so much to do before the rainy season starts.  I want to clean out the garage, weed and clean up the lavender beds, put the compost on the garden (after we're done growing for the season), move a big truck load of garden soil from the driveway to the backyard (Why did my husband order it and then just leave it?!?!?!), plant bulbs and do general outside clean up.

I'm already starting to think of projects to do once the weather turns cold and rainy.  I really want to get more organized and set up a budget that I'll actually use.  I have some sewing projects that are calling me, some painting projects and some Pinterest crafts that look interesting. 

I will miss the sunshine and flip flops but love to curl up under a soft, fleecy blanket and read a good book and listen to the rain.  I guess I can be thankful that I live in an area where we have at least two seasons...cold and wet winters and warm and sometimes wet summers.  I love the Pacific Northwest!

"Aging well"

My beautiful daughter and me

My oldest daughter (36) was at a get-together and someone she hadn't seen in quite a while, came up to her and told her that she was "aging well".  She mentioned this to me with conflicting thoughts.  On the one hand, she supposed it was a compliment of sorts.  On the other hand, she took it to mean that it was obvious she was getting older.  That bothered her way more than she realized.

I can still remember the first time someone made a comment to me that made me realize I was no longer "young".  I went to a new hair dresser to get a haircut.  The woman cutting my hair, obviously trying to make "small talk", asked me if I had any grandchildren.  At the time I was 43 and had a household of children of various ages, the youngest being 6.  No, I was not a grandmother.  No, none of my children were married.  My only thought was, "Do I LOOK like a grandmother?!"  Needless to say, the treat of getting a haircut was spoiled by the thoughts going through my head as I contemplated that I could be a grandmother.  Grandmother...  Grandmother?  Grandmother!

At some point, we have to come to terms with our age and experience.  Age, in and of itself, is just a number.  Some people remain vibrant and alive well into their 80's while other people seem old and worn out much, much earlier. 

I became a grandmother for the first time at the age of 47 (4 years after that memorable remark) and thoroughly love my ten grandchildren.  They are a blessing in my life and far from making me feel older, they keep me young.  I admit that I'm still not thrilled with the term "grandmother" as it invokes a mind picture of a frail, white haired woman but I'm getting over it.   Maybe by the time I'm a frail, white haired woman, I'll feel comfortable with the term.  :)

Better late than never

Sometimes it takes me a looooong time to learn something.  But I'm here to tell you that I succeeded in heading off a potentially explosive "argument" with my husband by keeping my mouth shut and taking the time to process the situation rationally rather than react impulsively.

My husband likes to build things.  He is very creative and inventive but sometimes his vision of how things ought to be differs from my vision.  Well, he made something very unique and creative and I think he thought I'd be pleased.  Let's just say it wasn't exactly what I pictured.  But when I thought about it, I reminded myself that he was solving a problem HIS way and what he made was going to work out fine...even though it wasn't what I would have done.  He put in a lot of time and effort to build it and I didn't need to hurt him by complaining.  It wasn't worth making an issue about.

You'd think I would have learned how to think before I speak long ago.  Oh well, better late than never  :)

Family reunions!

The family that plays together STAYS together!

My children and I decided that it's now time to start organizing an annual family reunion.  We've talked about it for years but there's always been something more urgent to take precedence (like one or more of the kids getting married in a particular year!).  Now that the weddings are officially over, we can turn our focus on other ways to get together.

Staying close as a family is not easy when kids marry and live in many different cities and states but is so important to maintain family unity.  Family newsletters, blogs, Skype, and of course, talking on the phone are all good ways to connect but aren't all inclusive.  And with a large family, a spontaneous get together just doesn't happen!

After brainstorming with some of my daughters we came up with the following -
1. We have to plan a year in advance for everyone to get time off work and start saving.
2. The reunion should be at least 2 days...3 is better.  That gives everyone time to recover from travel and have time to leisurely visit.
3. A different place each year will spread out the amount of travel for each family.
4. Special occasions might coincide with the reunion.  For example, my two Utah grandkids are having milestone birthdays (concerning our church) so our first reunion is being planned around them.
5. We have to take a family picture sometime during the reunion.
6. Everyone is required to have fun  :)  That was MY idea  :)

I love it when my family gets together!

It's going to take effort but I can't think of anything more deserving than keeping a growing family close.  Plans are already underway...can't wait!

The decade birthdays

Often the decade birthdays (30, 40, 50, etc) are not happily anticipated.  Even though a birthday means just one year older, the decade birthdays represent a passage into another DECADE.  Turning 40 is acknowledging leaving the child bearing years and entering middle age.  Turning 50 often represents becoming grandparents and you know what being a grandparent means...being old!  And 60?  You can no longer hide the fact that you aren't young any more.

In a year and a half, I will be turning 60 and I decided that I am going to treat it differently.  I am not going to hide the fact that I'm going to be 60...in fact, I've started mentioning to people that "after all, I'm almost 60" and it's fun to see their reaction.  :)  Most people look startled that I am so casual admitting to turning "that certain age".  

Maybe by the time I actually have that decade birthday, I'll be used to the number and will enter that new decade with grace and thankfulness for 60 years of life.

The realization

Five of my kids (technically 4 but one is like a part of the family) got together last night to reminisce and celebrate their sister's upcoming wedding.  I was relaxing in a comfy recliner, listening to their happy chatter when I realized how much I miss those days when they were all at home, chattering and gossiping, teasing and laughing.  With this upcoming wedding, it will truly mark my passage into the "empty nest" group.  There is some sadness and longing for the time when they were younger but also happiness and joy for the amazing adults they've become and the awesome people they picked for their spouses.  I feel truly thankful.  I guess it's possible to be happy and sad at the same time.   Sigh...

In the loop

When you have a large family, it's hard to keep everyone in the loop.  No one is more guilty of this than I am.  When there's news, I try to spread it around to all the children but sometimes I think I told someone when I actually didn't and other times I tell someone more than once.  So, not wanting anyone to think I have memory problems  :)  I inadvertently leave someone out.  Oops!

I was thinking of this last night when I went to bed.  My mind was racing, thinking of all the things going on with the wedding and hoping everyone knew the latest updates.  Forgetting to tell someone something can lead to bad feelings and I certainly don't want that!  When there is so much going on and so many people involved, it's unfortunately easy for miscommunication to happen.

So, this morning I wrote a Facebook message to all my children and their spouses, telling them every detail I could think of and hopefully, they'll forgive me if they didn't know about something sooner. Having gone through their own weddings, they should understand.  

I'm glad this is my last child getting married.

Pre-wedding stresses

I'm so distracted this week, going in to the final stretch before my daughter's wedding.  She's totally overwhelmed with all the little details that keep popping up and I'm having to be mom/therapist  :)
Even though she has watched and participated in her 7 brothers and sisters weddings (even 2 last year), it's a totally different experience when it's her own wedding.  She didn't realize all the stresses they went through!

As I reminded her today, the important things are in place.  They have their wedding license and temple recommends.  They have their new apartment.  They have the reception covered.  The honeymoon is arranged.  Sure, there will be some glitches in the day (there always are!) but there's no use thinking of all the bad things that might happen or the things that might be overlooked or forgotten.  It will be a beautiful day, rain or shine.

I asked one of my other daughters about the stresses she felt before her wedding and she easily rattled off a long list of concerns, both big and small.  And she finished by saying that looking back now (all of 3 years ago), none of them mattered.  How true of so many of the crises we deal with on a daily basis.  Rarely are they as big as we made them out to be.

It's normal to stress out before such a once-in-a-lifetime event but it doesn't help solve problems.  If a problem can be solved, great!  If a problem can't be fixed, let it go.   Keeping a positive attitude, relaxing, and being thankful for all that is going RIGHT, will make a special occasion that is looked back on with warm, happy memories.

Grandma Camp

I have two friends who each hold "Grandma Camp" for their grandchildren.  What a wonderful idea!  One of my friends has only one small grandson but every year she spends a week with him, taking him to the local children's museum, to parks and other places of interest.  It's just Grandma and Grandson time.  What an amazing bonding time for them both!

The other friend has several grandchildren of varying ages and sometimes she takes several on at once and other times, she has one-on-one time with a specific grandchild.  This year it's special time with her 10 year old granddaughter.  She will spend the time teaching her how to sew and how to cook.  She's also going to teach her about genealogy work (which is a special passion for her) and again, just spend time bonding with her. 

I can't think of a better way to develop a special friendship with grandchildren.  Their parents probably appreciate the attention you give their kids too (as well as a little "vacation" away from them for a week!)

Here's to Grandma Camp!

Sunflowers for a summer wedding

Sunflowers...Perfect for a summer wedding!

It's finally time to focus on my daughter's upcoming wedding.  We're going for the rustic look for the reception so I've been watching for sales of burlap, lace, ribbon and artificial flowers.  I had a hard time finding the right color of sand to fill the jars but today I found just the right color...at Home Depot called silica sand.  Perfect! With everything together at last, I made the table centerpieces using mason jars, burlap, twine and ribbon, and sunflowers.  I made 14 arrangements and still have flowers left over. 

Heavenly lavender!

There's nothing nicer than sitting in the middle of my lavender with my granddaughter on a warm, summer day.  The smell is soooo relaxing!  Heavenly!

The diet experiment Part 3

On March 18, 2013, I wrote a blog post about a diet experiment that my husband and I were embarking on.  It's now exactly 4 months later and you know what?  We're still mostly doing it and it's making a big difference in our health.

I didn't realize how much of a difference for me until I went to the doctor last week and the nurse did the usual weighing and blood pressure check.  My weight is down about 5 pounds...which I know doesn't sound like much but I'm not doing this diet for weight reduction; in fact, I'm only doing a modified approach so I can show support to my husband.  But my blood pressure was down substantially...(100/80).  Considering that I've been on a blood pressure lowering medication for the last 4 years and it's hovered about 120/80, that was a big change.  So big in fact that I thought it might be a fluke so I had my doctor daughter take my blood pressure again twice to see what she came up with.  The numbers?  100/68, and 96/68.  Wow!  I'm stopping my blood pressure medicine and will monitor my numbers and see what happens. 

My husband's diabetes is markedly improved and he's lost about 30 pounds.  Not bad!  He's feeling much better overall and doesn't want to go back to our old way of eating.  I never thought I'd hear him say he doesn't want to eat meat or cheese anymore.  Or that those veggie burgers actually taste good!

Often it takes a drastic event to help us make changes in our lifestyle.  Other times it just takes the realization of  "I'm tired of not feeling good" to start the process of change.  Whatever the motivation, improving our diet by increasing fruits and vegetables, cutting back on meats and saturated fats,  cutting way back on refined sugar and carbohydrates, and increasing complex carbohydrates, is never a waste of time or money.  In fact, it's an investment in our future health and well being. 

Anyone want a blueberry, beet smoothie?  :)

Mom to the rescue!

Oh my goodness!  It's been a week since I've written!  What a busy summer it has been so far and I still have a wedding coming up soon!  So much for the life of leisure.  Personally, that sounds like it would get boring real fast  :)

One hour after eye surgery...she can SEE!

I went to Portland, OR (a 2 hour drive) to help out one of my daughters who was having Lasik eye surgery.  Her husband couldn't get away from school the day of the procedure and I didn't want her being alone so...Mom to the Rescue! 

The surgery was extremely successful and my daughter is so delighted with the results...she can SEE!  Her husband had to practically force her to get the surgery and now she's wondering why it took her so long to do it. 

I'm just glad that I'm at a point in my life where I can be gone from home for a few days to help my married kids.  It isn't as easy for the ones who live 12-14 hours away but I try whenever I can.  Having a more flexible schedule is definitely one of the perks of being an empty nester!

So embarrassed!

I had an interesting experience today.  My husband and I were shopping and he was in an aisle next to the one I was in.  As I was going down my aisle, I passed a man and said "excuse me" as I passed.  He looked at me and said, "Can I take you out to dinner sometime?"  I laughed and said, "I don't think so!"  (I thought he was joking!)  Then he said, "That's it?  Just no?"  (He wasn't joking!)  So, I quickly replied, "I don't think my husband would approve!"  At that, he looked surprised and said, "I didn't see a wedding ring...".  "You're right, no wedding ring.  Have a nice day." I said as I moved along down the aisle to my husband who heard the whole thing and was quietly laughing.  So embarrassed!!!

I think I need a new wedding ring!  Hint, hint Husband!  :)

I love being a Grammy...

I love being a Grammy because...

  I can hold and enjoy my sweet, precious newborn grandbabies

I can play games with them.

We can make cookies together!

 We can explore and have adventures!

 We can have sleep overs!

 We can celebrate birthdays together!

 I provide a comfortable place to fall asleep  :)

 I can be there for important events in their lives.

 I can watch them grow and be a part of their lives.

 

We can read together.

We can go camping!

And then I can give them back to their mommies and daddies and enjoy a good night's sleep.  :)

Letting go

Now, now...let's forgive and be nice.  :)

Life is too short to hold grudges.  I know people who stopped going to church because they were offended.  I know people who refuse to attend family functions because of feuds with other family members.  And what does it get them?  Does distancing themselves make them feel better? 

Letting go of grudges isn't easy but continuing to dwell on past slights and offenses only keeps you stuck in the past and prevents you from developing healthy relationships with family and friends now and in the future.  Is it really worth it? 

To let go of a grudge...
1. Stop dwelling on it.
2. Put yourself in the other person's shoes.
3. Choose to let it go.
4. Forgive.

Forgiveness isn't about the other person.  It's about yourself.  Forgiveness helps you develop compassion and understanding.  It builds strength of character.  It acknowledges the imperfections of ourselves and others.  It allows you to grow into a better person.

Confucius said, "To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it."  No one is immune from situations where offense could be taken so let's learn how to handle those situations with grace and compassion...and move on.

An 80th Birthday Party

My mother-in-law turned 80 on Saturday and most of the family got together to celebrate.  She's in amazing shape, both physically and mentally, and I know she was pleased to have her family with her on her birthday.

This "cake" is actually a watermelon, covered with whipped cream!

One of my sisters-in-law wanted to do something special and memorable so she asked all the adult children to send a personal picture as well as a picture of each of the grandchildren and their families.  With those pictures, she had a friend make a beautiful memory quilt to present to Mom/Grandma.  That quilt turned out amazing!

My mother-in-law's 6 children,grandchildren, and great grandchildren...I don't know how many she has but it's a lot!

It was a special day, celebrating a special lady.

Happy 4th of July!

Every year friends of ours hold a 4th of July breakfast at a local park.  This year I'd estimate that there were over 100 people, visiting and enjoying the delicious food that this friend is famous for.  They always start with a little talk about Independence Day and remind us of the sacrifices and patriotism of our founding fathers.  Their vision of this country made it possible for us to enjoy the freedoms we often take for granted.  I'm thankful for their courage and sacrifice to stand up for what they believed in the face of overwhelming odds. 

Happy Independence Day!  Enjoy the day with your family!

One month!

One month from today, my youngest daughter is getting married!  I guess I better get into "wedding mode" and put my energy into getting things ready.  :)  In all honesty, almost everything is under control except for the last minute details.  The only thing I can't control is the weather...it better be good!  Their reception is outdoors.  :)

Here are a few of the pics from their engagement photo shoot...they're so cute!

This one is one of my favorites...I love the smile on her face!

Blessings in disguise

It would be so easy to sit at home, become a crazy cat lady and read books and watch TV all day.  Thankfully, I have too much to do to indulge in such a self centered fantasy.  I realized that many of the things that keep me busy are really blessings in disguise.  Mowing the lawn and working in the garden gives me exercise, time in the sun, and the satisfaction of a job well done.  Church responsibilities give me a chance to help other people and learn new skills and talents.  My children frequently ask for advice and/or a listening ear, reminding me that I'm still needed as a mother.  My grandchildren keep me young :) .  And the list goes on and on...

My daughter MADE me go on this looooong hike.  It was totally worth it!

How thankful I am for the things in my life that encourage (force ?) me to get out and live.  The hermit inside me will just have to wait...  :)

Once a mom, always a mom

Before 5 stitches...

I thought my days of sitting in an emergency room waiting  with one of my children in need of stitches was over...that is, until this weekend when that's where I found myself with one of my married sons.  He had gone shooting with another son and some friends and he tried a different rifle that had much more of a kick-back than the one he previously used.  The result?  A substantial laceration above his eye. 

He stopped by to show me what a good job he did cleaning it up and bandaging it together (he's a nurse).  I took one look at it and told him we were headed to the emergency room to get him some stitches.  As I expected, he argued with me but I used my best MOM voice and said he had no option.  He was coming with me.  He actually didn't need TOO much convincing and that's how I found myself in the hospital emergency room, reliving memories of past gashes, lacerations, broken bones and other injuries that only kids can find a way to do...even 28 year old kids  :)

Once a mom, always a mom.

Tact

I know what you're thinking but don't say it, Lilly!

Wouldn't the world be a happier place to be if more people thought before they spoke?  How many misunderstandings and bad feelings would be prevented?  How many relationships would be saved?

It really surprises me how many people think that just because they think something, it's ok to say it out loud.  Calling someone a derogatory name and defending it by saying they're only kidding or they think it's funny is just downright wrong. 

There are some things that shouldn't be joked about or made fun of...weight, body parts, ones in-laws (or all family members for that matter), someone's cooking, the way they dress...as I'm sitting here writing this, I can't think of anything that it's ok to make fun of.

Whatever happened to the fine art of being tactful?  Let's bring it back to the forefront of our lives and help our family members do the same. 

Switching focus

After spending 30+ years focusing on the needs of growing children, switching my focus to building my relationship with my husband has been challenging.  I know you're not supposed to put children before marriage but with 8 children, I'll admit that they often took center stage in my life. 

Now it's just my husband and me and we are realizing that we have to actively work on putting each other first.  We are rediscovering how to relax and just have fun.  I am trying to learn how to slow down a little...I don't have to be in a hurry all the time.  We are working on projects together.  And we are finding that being grandparents is so much more fun than being parents  :) 

The empty nest years are actually a big chunk of life.   We can either become stagnant and stuck in a rut or we can work to make these years a vibrant time of living and loving.  I am choosing the latter.

Secrets of a happy extended family

New members of the family bring new blessings and new challenges.

You'd think that when a new person comes into your home through the marriage of your son or daughter, that you'd love them and they'd love you.  It would be one big happy family.  It CAN be that way but it also might bring up some new issues and/or conflicts.  Keeping in mind some key points can help smooth the way to that big happy family that you dream about.

1. Respect.  This works both ways.  As a mother-in-law, respecting your new daughters or sons-in-law, their opinions, their upbringing, their traditions will help them feel comfortable with you and your family.   They too should be respectful of you and your home and traditions, even if they're different than what they are accustomed to. 

2. Communication.  When problems arise, communicate!  Don't talk to so-and-so about what he or she did or said.  Talk directly to the person you are having an issue with, preferably in private.  Hopefully, it's a matter of misunderstanding and can be cleared up.  Not talking to the person will cause issues to build up and get out of hand.  What could have been a small matter is now blown up all out of proportion.  Remember to be respectful when dealing with conflicts.  State the facts.  Try to keep emotions under control.  Have the goal of resolving the problem, not escalating it.

3. Sensitivity.  Remember the feelings of each other.  Stay away from sensitive topics that you know will upset someone in the family.  Again, respect them.  You don't have to agree with someone to respect their opinion.  New daughters and sons-in-law need to remember that their spouse has a history with his or her family - don't be quick to criticize them.  Be kind.

4. Keep in contact.  Whenever possible, get together just for fun.  Participating in activities will help everyone get to know each other better and build and strengthen relationships.  If family members live far away, write or call frequently.  We have a family blog where we keep everyone posted on news and events.  Some families have family newsletters.  Whatever works for your family...

Maintaining good family relations with your adult children and their spouses is worth any effort to achieve.  They are going through similar experiences and can support each other and learn from each other IF they can remain close to each other.  New in laws bring new strengths and talents that will enhance the extended family unit IF they are comfortable in your home.  Grandchildren benefit from getting to know their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.  A few simple reminders can go a long way to treating each other with the respect and sensitivity they (and we) deserve.

Advance directives

No, she's not dead  :)

Yesterday my kids wanted to talk about advance directives...you know, what to do when someone is no longer capable of making their own decisions.   But it wasn't for me or my husband.  It was concerning our cat, Sacajawea, (aka Saccy)  :)  You see, the cat is 16 years old and has grown up with my younger daughters.  They wanted to make sure that she was DNR (do not resuscitate) and they wanted to make sure that they were called as soon as anything happened to her.  My husband commented that we were definitely going to have to have a funeral when it is Saccy's time.  Knowing my kids, they'll be more likely to attend the cat's funeral than a family reunion  :)

It was such an odd conversation but totally fitting my kids. 

Oh, and no, I'm not a crazy cat lady!

Happy Father's Day

Four of the eight children and their families got together to celebrate Father's Day today!

Good food, family and sunshine...the perfect ingredients for fun times!

The daddy of the younger daddies...also known as Grumpy to the grandkids  :)

A special present from Ellie, Lilly and Chuck...I love them!

Honor thy father and thy mother

I was asked to give a talk in church this Sunday on "Honor thy father and thy mother" (Ephesians 6:2-3) so I spent the day doing research on the topic.  Although much of the material I found focused on how children could show honor to their parents, it occured to me that there really is no age limit to the commandment found in the Bible.

My father died when I was 20 but my mother is still alive and just celebrated her 86th birthday.  Her health is poor but showing her honor and respect is still important.  I can call her often to show her that I'm thinking of her.  Although I live far away, I can arrange to visit her.  I can send her notes and cards.  I can show by my actions, that I still value her as my mother.

Someday, she won't be here and I don't want to live with the regret that I could have done more for my mother.   I owe her so much...

Clarity

Today I visited my friend who has cancer and she commented on how in one tiny second, all her priorities changed.  Before her diagnosis, she had many goals and plans but after the diagnosis, she realized how those goals no longer mattered.  What did matter was her family.  She wanted to be available to her husband, children and grandchildren.  She wanted to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. 

It didn't seem like a blessing at the time but facing mortality gave her clarity that she didn't have before.  Some people live their entire life never realizing that they missed what is most important. 

I hope I never get too busy that I neglect to give my best time and effort to my family.  Nothing is more important than they are.

Adventures at the 5 K race

Watching 5 grandkids while their parents run a 5K race is a LOT of work!  There were 1,000+ people  running and/or cheering loved ones on and I was so afraid I'd lose one of the kids!  Luckily, at the end of the activity, all were present and accounted for  :)

Sharing a blanket with baby cousin

Somewhere in that throng of children, are my grandkids...I hope!

After the race...only missing one grandson...he's behind the man on the far left  :)

That was thirsty work!

Loooong day...I can't imagine falling asleep in that position!

Now for a nap...