Once a mom, always a mom

Before 5 stitches...

I thought my days of sitting in an emergency room waiting  with one of my children in need of stitches was over...that is, until this weekend when that's where I found myself with one of my married sons.  He had gone shooting with another son and some friends and he tried a different rifle that had much more of a kick-back than the one he previously used.  The result?  A substantial laceration above his eye. 

He stopped by to show me what a good job he did cleaning it up and bandaging it together (he's a nurse).  I took one look at it and told him we were headed to the emergency room to get him some stitches.  As I expected, he argued with me but I used my best MOM voice and said he had no option.  He was coming with me.  He actually didn't need TOO much convincing and that's how I found myself in the hospital emergency room, reliving memories of past gashes, lacerations, broken bones and other injuries that only kids can find a way to do...even 28 year old kids  :)

Once a mom, always a mom.

Tact

I know what you're thinking but don't say it, Lilly!

Wouldn't the world be a happier place to be if more people thought before they spoke?  How many misunderstandings and bad feelings would be prevented?  How many relationships would be saved?

It really surprises me how many people think that just because they think something, it's ok to say it out loud.  Calling someone a derogatory name and defending it by saying they're only kidding or they think it's funny is just downright wrong. 

There are some things that shouldn't be joked about or made fun of...weight, body parts, ones in-laws (or all family members for that matter), someone's cooking, the way they dress...as I'm sitting here writing this, I can't think of anything that it's ok to make fun of.

Whatever happened to the fine art of being tactful?  Let's bring it back to the forefront of our lives and help our family members do the same. 

Switching focus

After spending 30+ years focusing on the needs of growing children, switching my focus to building my relationship with my husband has been challenging.  I know you're not supposed to put children before marriage but with 8 children, I'll admit that they often took center stage in my life. 

Now it's just my husband and me and we are realizing that we have to actively work on putting each other first.  We are rediscovering how to relax and just have fun.  I am trying to learn how to slow down a little...I don't have to be in a hurry all the time.  We are working on projects together.  And we are finding that being grandparents is so much more fun than being parents  :) 

The empty nest years are actually a big chunk of life.   We can either become stagnant and stuck in a rut or we can work to make these years a vibrant time of living and loving.  I am choosing the latter.

Secrets of a happy extended family

New members of the family bring new blessings and new challenges.

You'd think that when a new person comes into your home through the marriage of your son or daughter, that you'd love them and they'd love you.  It would be one big happy family.  It CAN be that way but it also might bring up some new issues and/or conflicts.  Keeping in mind some key points can help smooth the way to that big happy family that you dream about.

1. Respect.  This works both ways.  As a mother-in-law, respecting your new daughters or sons-in-law, their opinions, their upbringing, their traditions will help them feel comfortable with you and your family.   They too should be respectful of you and your home and traditions, even if they're different than what they are accustomed to. 

2. Communication.  When problems arise, communicate!  Don't talk to so-and-so about what he or she did or said.  Talk directly to the person you are having an issue with, preferably in private.  Hopefully, it's a matter of misunderstanding and can be cleared up.  Not talking to the person will cause issues to build up and get out of hand.  What could have been a small matter is now blown up all out of proportion.  Remember to be respectful when dealing with conflicts.  State the facts.  Try to keep emotions under control.  Have the goal of resolving the problem, not escalating it.

3. Sensitivity.  Remember the feelings of each other.  Stay away from sensitive topics that you know will upset someone in the family.  Again, respect them.  You don't have to agree with someone to respect their opinion.  New daughters and sons-in-law need to remember that their spouse has a history with his or her family - don't be quick to criticize them.  Be kind.

4. Keep in contact.  Whenever possible, get together just for fun.  Participating in activities will help everyone get to know each other better and build and strengthen relationships.  If family members live far away, write or call frequently.  We have a family blog where we keep everyone posted on news and events.  Some families have family newsletters.  Whatever works for your family...

Maintaining good family relations with your adult children and their spouses is worth any effort to achieve.  They are going through similar experiences and can support each other and learn from each other IF they can remain close to each other.  New in laws bring new strengths and talents that will enhance the extended family unit IF they are comfortable in your home.  Grandchildren benefit from getting to know their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.  A few simple reminders can go a long way to treating each other with the respect and sensitivity they (and we) deserve.

Advance directives

No, she's not dead  :)

Yesterday my kids wanted to talk about advance directives...you know, what to do when someone is no longer capable of making their own decisions.   But it wasn't for me or my husband.  It was concerning our cat, Sacajawea, (aka Saccy)  :)  You see, the cat is 16 years old and has grown up with my younger daughters.  They wanted to make sure that she was DNR (do not resuscitate) and they wanted to make sure that they were called as soon as anything happened to her.  My husband commented that we were definitely going to have to have a funeral when it is Saccy's time.  Knowing my kids, they'll be more likely to attend the cat's funeral than a family reunion  :)

It was such an odd conversation but totally fitting my kids. 

Oh, and no, I'm not a crazy cat lady!

Happy Father's Day

Four of the eight children and their families got together to celebrate Father's Day today!

Good food, family and sunshine...the perfect ingredients for fun times!

The daddy of the younger daddies...also known as Grumpy to the grandkids  :)

A special present from Ellie, Lilly and Chuck...I love them!

Honor thy father and thy mother

I was asked to give a talk in church this Sunday on "Honor thy father and thy mother" (Ephesians 6:2-3) so I spent the day doing research on the topic.  Although much of the material I found focused on how children could show honor to their parents, it occured to me that there really is no age limit to the commandment found in the Bible.

My father died when I was 20 but my mother is still alive and just celebrated her 86th birthday.  Her health is poor but showing her honor and respect is still important.  I can call her often to show her that I'm thinking of her.  Although I live far away, I can arrange to visit her.  I can send her notes and cards.  I can show by my actions, that I still value her as my mother.

Someday, she won't be here and I don't want to live with the regret that I could have done more for my mother.   I owe her so much...